Bisexual Struggles With Perception of Being Straight.

by faith cheltenham

As a child, Faith Cheltenham thought she was gay. As she grew older, though, she became aware that her attraction was much broader than to just one gender or identity. Faith explains:

I dated straight women who became bisexual women, I dated lesbians, I dated gay men on the side when they were in the closet as being bi which is actually not successful at all. I went through basically the entire rainbow, skittle by skittle, had a great experience but was very lost and in the sense that what I was looking for was very specific.

When you’re open to dating “the entire rainbow,” what does it take to grab Faith’s attention and heart? Turns out, a way with phones and being a bonafide geek:

One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband was understanding that my attraction was actually a lot based on geekiness. I’m a geek, that’s what I’m attracted to. I like people who are smart, I like people who are technical, who like film and television who want to sit on the couch. And all of a sudden I meet this guy, this straight guy, who wants to go out, he wants to date me, he wants to talk about his cell phone, he’s an Android cell phone developer. And I’m like, oh my god…

After falling in love with and getting married to a straight man, though, Faith had a new and unexpected set of challenges:

Here I did 10 years to come out to my family and get them adjusted to me being queer, and having a girlfriend who was transgender, having girlfriends who are women, and they’re all accustomed to it, they know it, they all know what’s happening at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but now I bring a guy home. That was terrifying for me. […] And it wasn’t that I was bi, because I understand that I like guys, but it was just the idea that I was going to be perceived as heterosexual that was really troublesome to me.

Continue Reading to watch Faith’s story or read the transcript.

TRANSCRIPT:

I’m Faith Cheltenham and I’m from San Luis Obispo, California, that’s my hometown.

I didn’t really understand that I was bisexual, that word didn’t exist in the world I grew up in as a child. There was something called gay. But for myself it was a little bit strange because there was almost a disconnect. And I heard people talk about that, that they didn’t understand that their attraction was an orientation and that was definitely my experience. I dated straight women who became bisexual women, I dated lesbians, I dated gay men on the side when they were in the closet as being bi which is actually not successful at all. I went through basically the entire rainbow, skittle by skittle, had a great experience but was very lost and in the sense that what I was looking for was very specific.

One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband was understanding that my attraction was actually a lot based on geekiness. I’m a geek, that’s what I’m attracted to. I like people who are smart, I like people who are technical, who like film and television who want to sit on the couch. And all of a sudden I meet this guy, this straight guy, who wants to go out, he wants to date me, he wants to talk about his cell phone, he’s an Android cell phone developer. And I’m like, oh my god right, but guess what? Hesitant. Really hesitant to date him because he was the first straight guy I had ever dated. I had had attractions to guys but had never had a relationship with one. And I was very hesitant. What would people think of me going out with this guy? Here I did 10 years to come out to my family and get them adjusted to me being queer, and having a girlfriend who was transgender, having girlfriends who are women, and they’re all accustomed to it, they know it, they all know what’s happening at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but now I bring a guy home. That was terrifying for me. It was terrifying because I was sick of people thinking that bi people just go, are bi for college and are done. That’s not my experience. So I had a really great friend kind of confront me on that, he said I think you’re being kind of bi-phobic. You’re saying you won’t date this guy because of what his orientation is. I said, I guess you’re right. And this love we felt, this instant connection, just hot, just hot immediately, we click, people see it with us, when you see us together you understand we have a sync, we work really well together, we were meant for each other. But it took me time to adjust to that, being the fact that this, my soulmate, one of my soul mates probably in this life, is a man. And it wasn’t that I was bi, because I understand that I like guys, but it was just the idea that I was going to be perceived as heterosexual that was really troublesome to me.

One Comment:

  1. Wow…that really hit the nail on the head to me..it IS troublesome to be seen as a heterosexual when you are with a person of the opposite sex.
    I am a woman who has been married to the same man for almost 20 yrs and just came out to him as a bisexual. This is tied to so many other aspects of my life that being seen as a heterosexual doesn’t explain the entirety of me as the heterosexual or the homosexual can experience. Thank you for sharing this, it helps a lot.

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