I’m From Miami Shores, FL.

by fabio fernandez

I grew up in Miami and didn’t come out of the closet until after high school. I ended up moving to NYC where I met the most amazing man. I was struggling with drugs and alcohol and literally just before the day I was about to leave to come back home, because I finally felt things were getting out of my control, was the day I met him at Union Square Park.

We exchanged looks a few times and I turned on my CD player (I think iPods were just invented, that’s how long ago this was) and pulled out a cigarette. I thought to myself, “Who is this hot older guy who keeps smiling at me?” I felt very flattered to get my mind off things. I for some crappy reason play hard to get with guys I really like and moved to lean against the rails and he followed me. Just when I was about to get another cigarette he passed by me, and from what he told me later that day, he said “hi” and I ignored him, which I didn’t mean to do. At the moment I saw him pass me, I thought to myself, “Why the hell don’t you go say hi, this is one of the reasons you’re still single. You never do anything, you’re too shy.” So I grew an extra pair of balls, because apparently the ones I have never seem to work, and walked over to him, tapped him on the shoulder and said hello.

We struck up an hour-long conversation, then afterward he invited me to his apartment. Long story short, I never left. We were together for almost a year after that and I never left his sight. Throughout the time we were together I secretly struggled through my drug problems and sometimes couldn’t control myself. I told him I loved him and all he said was, “Aww thank you, that’s nice.” I opened myself up to him and eventually let him know I had a drug problem, but things still didn’t get any better. In fact, they got worse. I was so tired of having to hide my problem and deal with the relationship or whatever it was because we never made anything official even though we acted as we were exclusive. Eventually I gave up and one day just left. We kept in contact and to this day I still struggle through my drug problem but it has gotten a lot better. But every day that passes by is a challenge for me. Every day that passes by I always regret leaving him and doing the things I did. It has taken me years to get over him, as I was beyond head over heels.

4 Comments:

  1. From one recovering addict to another… it does get better.

  2. It does get better! :) I’m a recovering addict too. Love!

  3. UPDATE: I’m still battling a drug addiction which is very unfortunate. Luckily I am back together with that wonderful man I met in NEW YORK and we are moving in together. 5 years late, I finally got him to say I love you, and he knows I’m battling a drug addiction. I finally have someone to share my problems with and we are working together to get thru this addiction. I want to thank everyone for the wonderful words and support. I wish you both the best.

    XOXO.
    from one recoveree’ to another.

  4. UPDATE:
    So my relationship didn’t work out for various reason. I will always love that NY man, and he will forever be a part of my past. However, I am happy to be single for once in my life. I continue learning about myself every single day. I am a drug addict and will always be as they teach in rehab and support groups. That will always be a part of my life, but I choose not to let it control me any longer. I hope that if you do drugs as well, that you figure out it never leads to anything good.

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