I’m From Vandalia, IL.

by ryan reed

I was kind of shunned when I was growing up. I was always the weird kid. Classmates would avoid me whenever possible. Everybody would constantly ask me if I were gay, and I would enthusiastically deny that I was homosexual.

I had had girlfriends before. But every time we would get close to having sex, I would pull away (internally, because I felt sick) telling her that I wasn’t ready to take that big of a step.

I had only ever had one dream about a guy before. It was some tall, dark-haired stranger that was protecting me. And he kissed me once swiftly before he set out to find my “enemies.” Needless to say, I woke up that morning with some pillow in my mouth.

When I played baseball, I had realized that I fell in love with the baseball coach, who had been a senior the year before. I could never find a way to tell him how I felt, and I became suicidal. He called the school counselor and told him that I was considering killing myself. I got help. I denied that I was gay, still.

That was my freshman year in high school. I didn’t come out until I was a senior. I had moved to Tennessee for several months, and learned that my brother’s friend had been interested in me for a couple months. So, I asked him out one night. I fell in love with him. All it took was one guy to be interested.

Even throughout high school, nobody had been mean or rude to me because I was gay. They all knew it. I didn’t. But after I came out, I started getting many friends. Even straight guys talk to me now.

I have never experienced discrimination as a gay man. And I am thankful for that every day. All I can say is to just be true to yourself, and be comfortable with who you are, and everything will follow.

2 Comments:

  1. Before coming out, all I ever heard was horror stories. Or maybe the horror stories were the only stories I would focus on. Regardless, I was scared out of my mind before coming out.. Later on I realized none of the horror stories happened to the gay people telling me. No, it was always a friend of a friend. It’s like when my sister was pregnant with her first baby. All she heard was how painful it was and all the things that could go wrong. Why do people do this or better yet why do we do this to ourselves?

  2. Hey babe,

    I’m proud of you for using your voice and sharing your story. It takes great courage. Your writing is impeccable. AND, YES…I still want more than friendship! ;-) I want to be the tall, dark-haired guy you dreamed of who is protecting you and who kisses you once swiftly before setting out to find your “enemies.” AND, when you awake…I will be there to give you the softest and most delicately loving kiss imaginable. *SMOOCH YOU*

    <3,

    Key

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