Romanian Orphan Uninvited To Christmas By Adoptive Parents After Coming Out As Gay.

by florin helf

I’m Florin Helf and I’m from Bucharest, Romania. I was born in a Romanian hospital, my mother gave birth to me, falsified her identification, and fled the hospital. She left me there and the state then sent me to my first of two orphanages. I grew up there until I was seven and a half in those orphanages, at which point I found out that I was going to be adopted at the age of five. When two and a half years later I did get adopted, what the orphanage did was take me to the airport, the international airport, and that’s where my mother had just landed and they surprised her with me, and the only word I knew was “Mommy” so I ran into her arms and that was my beginning story. So now that I was seven and a half, I moved to Pioneer, Ohio, across the world and I finally had a family. I was ecstatic and I excelled at school right away. I learned English within the first year. I just desperately wanted to assimilate into the culture. I wanted to be the perfect son for my parents. So when I was fifteen, my parents left the house with their dogs and I was home alone. I had just recently bought “Brokeback Mountain”, and I was really excited about watching it. I just couldn’t wait, I couldn’t wait to that night after they went to bed, so I just got it and I was going to start playing it. I got about fifteen minutes into the film when all the sudden I heard our dogs barking and that was the sign that my parents were all of a sudden home. They said to me right away, “What are you watching?” And I said, “Nothing just watching TV.” And my dad said, “What’s in the DVD player?” And I just completely froze. I don’t think I was even able to answer him. So he went over, opened the DVD player, and saw that it was “Brokeback Mountain.” And what he said to me was, “Okay this is what you like watching. I want to know why. So we’re going to sit here as a family and we’re going to watch this and we’re gonna figure out why you like watching these things.” So after the film ended, my parents all of a sudden said, “There’s gotta be consequences here.” I was grounded for a month, I think if I remember. And of course they ripped the DVD in half and they threw it. I was told that I would be, you know, I needed to re-read the Bible and I need to really understand what it was that I was doing and that I need to stop this behavior immediately. I can remember crying myself to sleep that night. So through high school I kept myself in the closet, I only told a few friends of mine, but my parents, I knew that it was unacceptable and I knew that I would lose any part of that love that they have for me if I ever did come out. So as a protection I never did, and all the way as I went into college I kept that a secret from them. It was after my freshman year that I had gotten my second boyfriend at that time, that I was really happy. And I was going to be coming home for Christmas and I really wanted to share with them what was going on in my life and I really didn’t want to be dishonest. So I got to writing this letter. It took me weeks write this letter, and the basis of the letter was, “I love you, you’ve taught me everything that I know, you’ve taken me out of an orphanage in a third-world country, and given me everything that I have today. One of the things you taught me was honesty and the importance of honesty, and because of that and I can no longer lie to you. So I am gay.” So an hour later, I received a response and it was from my mother, and my mother said, “Hi Florin, I’ve read your email. I’ve read it several times. And I’m shocked and I’m disappointed. This is not the son that I helped raise. Your father is in an incredible health situation right now.” They had just told me a week prior that my dad was going through some health issues, and that it wasn’t a big concern. And all of the sudden now in this letter my mother is saying in this letter that was actually a lie, “Your dad is actually in a life or death situation right now and cannot handle this stress.” Two hours later I actually got a second email from them and now both of my parents were writing this email, so I was to believe all of a sudden that my mother now had told my father. And this email was a lot angrier, and it was saying essentially that this is not the son that they know, this is not the son that they want to know, and how dare I do such a thing, ruin their holiday, ruin their Christmas to be so selfish. That was the word that was used so much, that I was incredibly selfish. I was so devastated because they followed it with, “You’re uninvited to Christmas,” and there was no invite to come back, so all of a sudden I thought I had lost my parents. It wasn’t until about a year and a half later that I called them up and I said, “You know what? This has gone on long enough, I want my parents back in my life. I know that we don’t agree about who I am, but I want to start afresh and I want to get to know each other again. I want to create a foundation on love, respect, and honesty.” And so we started there, that was the relationship I wanted when I first met my parents, that first moment where my dad held me and my mother did. And that’s the relationship that I want to have today. My greatest hope is that I’m able to call my parents up, and tell them what is going on in my entire life–not everything excluding my gay life. That’s really my biggest hope. I want to be able to share with them the person I love or the person I’m in a relationship with. I want to…I mean, who we love is one of the most authentic things about who we are, and that’s the thing I am not able to connect with my parents on. I hope that someday I will be able to.

Florin Helf

18 Comments:

  1. Florin, I read your most touching story and it home with me. My nephew Brandon at the age of 19 tried to tell his folks about him being gay. His mother and father disowned him, I was the only one accepted him the way he was. Jan1,2013 Brandon took his own life because his parent’s stopped loving him!
    I miss Brandon each day he’s been gone. I was the only one who accepted him, I still talk to his boy friend each day since he’s been gone! God Bless you Florin!

  2. Jennifer Rose Avery

    Real Christians don’t uninvite gay or bi children. they do research about pro-gay or bi interpretations of the Bible.

    • Real people, who have some modicum of decency, love and compassion, irrespective of whether they are religious or not, do not uninvite children to any occasion. Period. Family is the most precious thing we have.

  3. i cannot really put myself in your shoes, but your parents are toxic and, to use their term, “selfish” to not want you to be your true self and to mold you into someone you’re not. There is a whole world out there with loving and accepting people who might not be “family” per se, but their embrace sure beats the conditional “love” they purport to give you.

  4. Florin, you’re such an amazing person and its beautiful and heartbreaking to read your story. Much support your way.

  5. Hi Florin! I know you from Bryan and you are a wonderful talent kid. I don’t understand why your parents calling you selfish; they should look more of how you are, what you have in your heart and me been a parent I can say we have to love live our children no matter what they do or what they are. Hope everything change for good and your parents will change their mind. Good luck and remember people that knows you always remember who you are, a great human being. It was nice to see you at the concert in Bryan the last time you came.

  6. Oh my goodness Florin. Your the little boy Austin and I use to take home after school! I remember you use to tell me how terrible smoking was and how I was going to kill you from cigarette smoke! Well I am glad to see your still alive and doing well, I am sure you will get your message out there you have always been very intelligent. Prayers that things will turn out the way you hope with you and your family! Remeber the greatest comment of all is Love!!!!! FYI I quit smoking a long time ago you were right those things are nasty!!!!!

  7. Having a gay child doesn’t mean you failed as parents …disowning a child does!…I wish gays could allow parents to love you and hate your lifestyle…I wish parents could understand that you can still love your child and hate their lifestyle. There are many gays who choose not to act on their feelings because it is against God…just like the apple in the Garden…there are many gays who act on their feelings because they have no reason not to…there are many straights who act on their feelings and some who do not because it is not what God wants…You do what you can with the constitution you have. God loves the sinner but not the sin…if it is not a sin to you then live your life. Just because it feels right doesn’t mean it is right but the world seems to have more people in it today who do what feels good to them…no sacrifices…no delayed gratification…no doing without… a parent owes their child love, not necessarily support and an adult child should be happy with just love and not need to share everthing

  8. Having a gay child doesn’t mean you failed as parents …disowning a child does!…I wish gays could allow parents to love you and hate your lifestyle…I wish parents could understand that you can still love your child and hate their lifestyle. There are many gays who choose not to act on their feelings because it is against God…just like the apple in the Garden…there are many gays who act on their feelings because they have no reason not to…there are many straights who act on their feelings and some who do not because it is not what God wants…You do what you can with the constitution you have. God loves the sinner but not the sin…if it is not a sin to you then live your life. Just because it feels right doesn’t mean it is right….there is no pro gay or big in the Bible but God still loves them. parents owe their child love, not necessarily support and an adult child should be happy with just love and not need to share everthing

    • Many Christians, like this lady, seem to put a condition or “but” on their “acceptance” as in love the child, but not accept the “lifestyle.” Being gay is not a lifestyle. Loving someone of the same sex is not any more of a lifestyle than loving the opposite sex. You’re confused about the meaning of both “Christian” and “gay.” If you can’t fully accept this guy, don’t comment. He doesn’t need to hear your convoluted reasoning.

  9. Sad. He is the same son they raised. I think all parents need to learn to accept their children for who they are. Sad truth, but being Gay is only one thing. Hundreds of things can be “different”. That makes us all special and unique.

  10. What a wonderful story…

  11. Mrs. Gallant, parents owe their children unconditional love. If you love your child, you love everything about them. It is unfair to ask a son or daughter to compartmentalize their lives for the sake of hard hearted parents. Florin, what you are experiencing is true and real. Please don’t let others tell you it is against God. God made you perfect the way you are. It may be your parents you have to learn to love what they have, instead of the son they thought they wanted. You are doing nothing wrong, and being true to love and true to yourself will make you the best person you can be. Bless you.

    • Parents owe love..and love is love …I did not give it a condition such as do this/don’t do this or I won’t love you”…but parents do not have to love or even like what their child is or does…what do you say to the parent of a pedophile? A drug addict? A protestitute? Do you expect those parents to support and be happy??? You have to see both sides…not everyone can be happy with the gay life style and demanding that is not allowing them THEIR feelings!!

  12. Florin, you have done nothing wrong. You are a good person worthy of love and respect. It is your parents who have serious issues, because a parent would not stop loving a child because they are gay. Sometimes you have to walk away from people who make you feel bad about yourself. It is the only way that you can be happy with who you are and what you have to contribute to this world. There are many people out here who support you and want the best for you. I and many others would be thrilled to have you at our Christmas table. Perhaps some day your parents will realize the mistake that they have made, but that is their decision. In the end, you have your own life to live so make it a positive, happy choice for yourself and be true to yourself.

  13. I would be proud to have you as a son. You sound more mature than your parents. I wish you much love and success. Jerry

  14. I am not sure I would have forgiven my parents, the way you have done. I am not sure I would have had your resilience either. I commend you and find your story compelling. All the best to you in life.

Comments are closed