I’m From Arequipa, Peru.

by alex p.

Gay guys in a hot tub.

The night had been fun but it was coming to an end. We had told jokes and shared stories, we were a little loud and reminded ourselves we weren’t in West Hollywood, and we had to behave. Maybe it was because we weren’t so young or so old to not care, or maybe it wasn’t how old we were but what we thought was appropriate in “Straightland”.

And the subject finally came up: relationships. Who was in one, who was recently single, who was still single. And I could only just listen, and ask questions and try to figure out why I still was the one with no long-term relationship stories to tell. Then J started talking and said that even though he had wanted to, he had never had a one-night stand, that older gay men in his life had told him to never hook up with a stranger in a club. And he hadn’t because he wanted more; and I had had one-night stands but sometimes I wanted more too.

And I wonder if he did it the right way. What do I have to show for my years out of the closet other than a couple of STD episodes? Maybe I needed an older and wiser gay man in my life too.


  1. Well, having a long term relationship is many people´s dream but I find that extremely unlikely, specially between two guys. Of course there are people who live as a couple for a long time, but when you find out that couple only sticks together using “open- relationship” behavior and plain promiscuity, it suddenly doesn´t sound too romantic or special anymore, does it?
    So, take your time and don´t feel the least bit anxious about not having a “boyfriend”. At least one night stands are more unlikely to permanently dammage you or hurt you, as long as you use protections from the STD, of course.
    Good luck!

  2. I know a long-term relationship seems unlikely when you are a young man and there is so much temptation, but i just wanted to let you know that my partner and i have been together for 27 years. We do not have an open relationship. What we do have is an agreement that we will be honest with one another whenever we are attracted to another man, which has happened to each of us over the years. Talking about it makes the thought of being with someone else less intriguing. Sure, sex with strangers would be fun, but for me it could never replace the value of trust and security that building a life with someone over time has brought.

    I’m not saying that a long-term relationship is for everyone or that it is easy. It isn’t. Just wanted to share my experience.


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