When I was small, I practiced kissing with other girls. But everyone did, and I never thought much of it. I kind of hated girls. They picked on me, and I always seemed to be one step behind their styles, their jokes, and their interests.
I was in 10th grade, and I realized one day that a girl I knew was gay. It just kind of hit me – I knew why she talked that way, why she walked that way, why she was so loud sometimes, and so quiet other times. She was gay, and she knew it. Wow. Being gay was a real thing. Anybody could be gay, I could be gay. Yup, I could be….and the next day I just was. I tried it on walking down the halls, tried on the gay hat, and it fit. Ellen’s character came out later that year, and I watched her show with interest. By the end of the school year that girl and I were both out, and it turned out we had a couple of fag friends too. We were the gay kids, and we were a clique just like other cliques, going to parties, pretty normal stuff. I finally told my parents a few years later, they were cool. I kept it secret from them because I was 15 and I didn’t really want them to know anything about me. Such is the life of the teenage girl I guess.
My wife and I were married in 2005; we got engaged in 2003 right when all the legal stuff was going down in Canada. We were in our early 20′s, apolitical, and not really paying attention. We got engaged because that was what people did after being together for a while. No big deal. Our wedding was small, our parents danced all night. It was really nice.
Now my wife is pregnant, and we are expecting our first baby any day now. We are in our early 30′s, and it was just time to make babies – we asked a pal who happily carted his porn over to our house, and donated some sperm. We will be mommies soon and we can’t wait.
I have been so lucky. To be born in a big city, surrounded by support, growing up at a time when our society was growing up too. I’ve never really experienced homophobia, and my biggest concern is whether I will be mommy or momma in the years ahead. For folks reading this who live in smaller closed-minded places, who live in fear or shame, my heart goes out to you. For those a bit older than me, I am grateful that your struggles have made my journey so smooth, and I try my best every day to make the road even more clear for the next generation.