“Love Conquers” As Woman Marries Trans Man

Lillian always imagined herself marrying “a dark bald black man.” After years of being single and realizing she’s happy being by herself, she met Michael on a personals site. After developing feelings for each other, Michael told Lillian that he was transitioning. Lillian recalls:

He told me he was transitioning. … And in just those few seconds, I said, “I want to go through that with you.” And then three months later we were married.

Continue Reading to watch Lillian’s story and hear more about how their relationship and marriage developed and strengthened.

TRANSCRIPT:

My name is Lillian and I am a native Arizonan. I have lived here, mostly in the Phoenix area, most of my life. I have been single, had been single, all my life. When I was younger I always thought I would get married. The person who I thought I would marry was a dark, bald, black man. That’s who I always picture, tall dark black man. That’s who I pictured I would always marry, that was the person. And every time I would see one I thought, “Oh, is he the one?” Just crazy young girl stuff. And after I got older and started going to work and all that stuff, I just kind of realized, “You know what? I’m happy with my life. If I’m going to be single, that’s okay. I’m okay with that.” But then after a while, living alone just wasn’t what I wanted. And actually I just stepped out of the way pretty much. I just stopped looking, stepped out of the way, and through the personal ads online is how I met Michael.

We met one day on Friday and all weekend we realized we were thinking about each other the whole weekend and we got together again on Monday. And when I met him on Friday he didn’t tell me, we actually met, I met him on a woman-to-woman site and he didn’t tell me at that time that he was transitioning. And after that weekend we got together again and he thought, “Well I’m having these feelings for her I better tell her what’s going on.” And he told me he was transitioning. And I don’t know that I ever thought or knew anything about transgender or trans men or transwomen or if I’d ever met one, I probably knew one or two, but didn’t really think about it. But in those few seconds I said, “I want to go through that with you.” And then three months later we were married.

Every time we’d gotten together before that we had talked about future stuff together and we were going to do this together and we were going to do this together and how neat it would be to do this together and stuff like that. We had been talking about that for quite a while and we were driving apart, driving to our places, I called him on the phone and said, “You know we had been talking quite a bit about doing things together, do you think maybe we ought to get married?” And he said yes! And that was it! And we talked a little more about it when we got together the next time but yeah, that’s how that happened.

Michael: And I’m very opposite of her dream man.

Lillian: Yeah, but you know what, love conquers.

One Comment:

  1. I got with my husband (ftm) when he was Kimberly, I had decided when him and I got together that I loved this person inside and out, and the fact that I had always considered myself straight didn’t even matter. I told my dad I was going to be with a girl and he didn’t talk to me for weeks. Going into the relationship I knew how he felt in the inside, he had been stuck in a body he hated his whole life, I knew he wanted to start his transition and I promised him I’d be there every step of the way. I had a 2 yr old daughter whose dad was never around, and was 3 months pregnant with my son (who was a comolete accident and i had no ides what i was going to do as a single mom barely making it with one kid) I was seriously considering giving the new baby up for adoption when my husband and I started dating. She (I only use that pronoun to get NY point across that the transition had not yet begun in the beginning) told me at one point that I would never e raising either of my kids alone again, that no matter what she would always help me and remain in their lives no matter what. So after deciding to keep mY new baby, I moved on to calling place after place after place in Tulsa ok until I finally found him a counselor specializing in transgender diagnosis etc… I set up his first appointment with him, I went with him when he wanted and stayed home when he wanted to go alone. When the counselor said he was ready to start hormone therapy, and had no referrals to doctors in our area (tulsa ok) I spent 2 more days calling places until I found him a doctor that wiuks start him on testosterone, I literally was there every step of they way and most of the time paving the steps for him to walk on. My son was born about 5 months into the testosterone therapy, he was there to cut the umbilical cord and has been there for both of my kids just as a dad would, they both only know him as a dad, and they both adore him as a dad. I love this person more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, and the first part of the relationship was smooth sailing, transitioning from the name Kim to the name Justin was simple, changing my pronouns was simple, because I knew when I meT him that deep inside he wasn’t a female, an amazing caring, sweet loving person whom I could spend all of my time with, and who treated me with the utmost respect and gratefulness for my support. Now, 4 years into transition, 2 years married, and 4 and half years as a couple, things are not even close to the same. He has changed from the inside out. He has absolutely no compassion left at all, he is angry all of the time and usually can’t even explain why he is angry. He loses his temper more than any man ive ever been with and to top it all off, he cheated on me with an old high school friend who found his change sexy and intriguing. When I found out my world came crashing down, here I was, doiing everything in my power to make this person the happiest I could in every way possible and here he was, sending pictures of his genitals to chicks and talking to her all day while he was at work, and meetings up with her while telling me he was working.. Things just havent been the same since, his testosterone kept him from really feeling compassion or sympathy toward me after hurting me so horribly and he became angry with me for even catching him being unloyal. He went from the most caring, understanding, and compassionate person I had ever known, to this person I didn’t even know who was angry and yelling at me, after I was cheated on by him. We have broken up and gotten back together several times because he promises to go back to counseling and he never does because he is too worried his counselor will tell his doctor he needs a lower dose of testosterone, so he will try really hard for about a week or two to keep his anger under control until one day he is right back to the same angry man whom I do not even know. I love him and I agreed to to be there for him, however, his transition became a LOT more difficult than I ever expected and I just want you to vr ready, I feel like the outside is not all that changes during transition, I honestly feel like insides change too. Once Justin got enough testosterone to start changing his face shape and hair growth etc… Justin started acting like a jerk, not to the kids but to me, where when I agreed to be there every step of the way, and I got stepped on for it. He became abusive toward me, hr became so angry at one point he jumped out if my moving vehicle at 40 MPH and was in the neurotrauma unit of the ICU for a week, shortly after that one we figured out he had been taking double the testosterone shot he was supposed to be taking. So we chalked that up to roid rage and kept trying. The violence didn’t really stop, if he was mad, some thing was getting broken, slammed and thrown at my face, while I was being screamed at. So it gt to the point where I asked him, to stop taking the Testosterone for a bit just to see if that would fix our problems, he then told me that if ever I wanted him to chose between his transition and our mareaige and family, that hands down he would chose his transition. Yes, selfish is a very good adjective for a transgender person, and I am not holding a grudge, but if you are about to enter into a relationship with someone who is about to start a whole chapter of not only their lives but their person in general, you need to be prepared that testosterone for a female to male will most certainly have quite the effect on a person. Of anger problems already exist with that person than the possibility is even more so… Just get a good counselor and doctor and make sure you are keeping up with the doseage amiunts. After the testosterone starts, he needs to continue to go to the counselor every week to two weeks and remain working through all that overwhelms him. Its a tough road and testosterone had changed my husband into someone I dont even know anymore. Unfortunately this story doesn’t end well either, he is gone now and my son is 3, he is still daddy and tries to be around for them, but he has so much anger built up inside him from the testosterone, and all the other stuff he never went back to talk to the counselor about, that him and I can’t even talk anymore with tensions rising and arguments resume. I love him, I dont want him to have to live another day ever having to wish he was born into a different body, I can’t ask him to chose and if I did, wouldn’t do me any good. I hope he becomes the person he has always been and can finally be relieved or comfortable I’m his own skin. I understand that he cheated on me because he had never really had an ego stroke before this girl decided him being a trans guy made him more irresitastable than being a a lesbian female, I realize it was part of his insecurities that the women would shy away from him because even if a woman liked her back then, she looks and acts like a guy so she didnt necessarily get hit on a lot before the transition, I understand that he was just starting to get facial hair and I was trying to explain to him that he was becoming more good looking every day, but his new body and face had him feeling good and the first bit of attention he got from it, he leaped at like a frog and proceeded to break the ones heart who had helped paved the way to where he was at. Its tough, I’m gonna tell you if I could go back and do it differently, I would, not because I regret anything g but just because I love my husband and would love to have him back to the way he was when I feel in love with him. On the inside, not the outside. So keep that counseling going if you are going to try to stick it out it may be the key that we missed.

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