Nathan: 

Hello, I’m Nathan Manske. I’m the Founder and Executive Director of I’m From Driftwood. For this week’s Story Update, we’re going to hear from Ashley Jackson, who we filmed in Jackson, Mississippi way back in 2010. Let’s take a look at her story.

Ashley: 

I’m Ashley Jackson. I grew up in Brandon, Mississippi, but I live in Jackson, Mississippi now.

I was seeing a woman when I was 21. She was a good bit older than me, but you know, I was telling myself I’m not really gay. I just like her as a person. And I was seeing a guy at the same time. They both knew about each other but I was, I was kind of going through the motions with him obviously and I really cared for her, but it was a very unhealthy relationship

My birthday, which is Christmas Eve, I had been out with friends and they were buying me shots and it was great. And I’d been out with the guy and the girl I was seeing came to one of the bars I was at and she’s like, “Oh, I’m going to take you to go see a friend. It’s going to be great.”

And I was like, “Oh, I’m really close to home. I’ve been drinking a lot. I’ll just go home.” And she was like, no. She convinced me. And so I went with her and. We ended up having a huge argument because she was upset that I was seeing the guy and I ended up attempting to drive myself home, which I should not have done.

You know, I was like, yeah, people get in accidents, they have DUIs, whatever. That’s not going to happen to me. That only happens to those other people that are complete idiots. And, you know, that’s… it won’t happen.

I passed out driving on the interstate. I was not wearing a seatbelt and I fell into the passenger seat. As I was driving and I remember telling myself, Okay, Ashley, you’re driving. You need to get up. And when I did that, I used my left hand on the wheel as leverage to pull myself up. And I did that and I jerked the car to the left, and it went over four lanes on the interstate and smashed into a concrete guardrail.

I don’t know how long I was there. I don’t know who found me. But I ended up in the, in the hospital for over a week and shattered my left ankle. I had 50-plus stitches in my face and had to move back in with my mom.

It was easy to drink all the time and you know, that was one thing I could control in my life. I couldn’t control the feelings I had for women. I couldn’t control what other people would think about me being in a relationship with a woman, but I could drink and that made me fun. And that made it easier to date guys or to be in reckless relationships and, you know, unprotected sex and being promiscuous and all of these things.

Having that self destructive life led to me almost killing myself unintentionally, but you know, driving on an interstate at 70 miles per hour and no seatbelt and flying across four lanes and not hitting anyone else and surviving – if that’s not a wake up call, I don’t know what it is.

I realized I did that to myself, that I was hiding from who I was, who I was born to be. And, um, I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t live my life for other people anymore. And I told myself, Okay, you’re gay.

Nathan: 

So, welcome, Ashley. Thank you so much for taking the time to be with us today to talk more about your story. How have you been?

Ashley:

Yeah, I’m great. There’s a lot of life has happened in 10 years.

Nathan: 

Yeah. Yeah. I… it has been 10 years since we filmed and publish that story. When you watch that story today, like how does… what goes through your mind or your heart? Like, how do you feel watching it today?

Ashley: 

It’s so wild to see myself, um, as a 26-year-old I’d guess at the time I’m talking about my, that experience that was still fairly fresh in my life of the car accident and all of those things. But it’s just amazing to see, to think about where I’ve met – where my life has ventured from the time of… I remember you guys being in my house and, and hanging out and, you know, recording that video and then thinking about where I am now, it’s just completely wild.

Nathan: 

Are you still in Mississippi?

Ashley:

No, I’m not. I’m actually live in Atlanta now.I moved to Montgomery, Alabama, actually, not… not too terribly long after the interview. I got a really great job with the Southern Poverty Law Center. I was one of their first LGBT rights community advocates and I worked directly with the attorneys in that department. We helped find – I helped find clients to work with directly for, of course, taking their cases free of charge.

You know, many of them were students in public schools who were being refused the right to wear what they wanted to school or to take the partner they wanted to, to prom. And it was just an amazing experience. We actually had a really big case that we worked on the… “conversion therapy” and trying to shut down the therapists that were providing those services that they said were working in.

It was obviously very detrimental to the lives of many people. I then was the state director for the human rights campaign in Alabama for a short time. I did that for about a year and it was an experience. And then, you know, I’d met a girl and. And I just needed to do something a little bit different and never thought I’d live in the big city of Atlanta, but here I am.

Nathan: 

Wow. That’s – you’ve done a lot these past 10 years. That’s incredible. All that growth and success, relationship and… yeah. How long have you been in Atlanta now?

Ashley:

Yeah, I’ve been in Atlanta about…  about five years now. My wife and I have been together about nine years and we’ve been married three years and we have a two year old.

Nathan: 

So it doesn’t, it doesn’t sound like you’re very busy at all. You have probably tons of free time and that all sounds amazing. Congratulations on all the progress and success you’ve had these past 10 years.

I was going through your video on YouTube and I was going through the comments and I wanted to read one comment that I read that stood out. And the comment is just one word, sort of one word with a hyphen and it’s an all caps and it says “TRUTH-TELLER!” Exclamation point. And over the years, a lot of people have been – have asked me like, “Oh, what story stands out to you from all the stories that you’ve collected over the years?” And I mentioned your story a lot because, and I’m wondering, like, if this is, if you hear this a lot, but I really admire, like, the honesty and your story for you to acknowledge,, you know, the – all the truths in your life, you know, you, you, weren’t afraid to talk about that.

You were in a – and I’m, I’m quoting you, I’m not, you know, putting this on you – in an unhealthy relationship. You know, you, weren’t afraid to talk about – that you did drive after drinking and you were just like, This is my past, these are my experiences and mistakes. And, but then it led you to make that ultimate important decision to live your life openly. And I’m wondering – so I think that’s one of the reasons why even 11 years later, it still sticks out to me so much, is that honesty. Is that like, is that – do people do people call you truth teller a lot, or like comment on how honest you are?

Ashley:

Yeah, it’s funny. I do have – like my, my best friend tells me all the time. We’ve been best friends since we were 11 years old. And she tells me all the time, you know, that she appreciates that I – that I don’t judge people on their mistakes or how they might present to the world. I know that people have lots of different things about themselves that they might like, or they don’t like, that society or their family or friends or whomever might not like those things, or they might like those things about them.

It varies, but I don’t think it’s my job to judge anyone and to make them feel bad about mistakes they’ve made, especially if they acknowledge those mistakes. So, you know, I find that, you know, I’m usually harder on myself than people are on me and I’m trying to give myself a little more grace and understanding.

But that was, it was, it was wild that I had that that was an incredibly life-changing moment for me. And when I had that light bulb moment of I’m gay, Okay. And I remember lying in that hospital bed saying it to myself, and it was just like, I felt this great sense of relief. And I can’t imagine having gone through that traumatic experience and still having to carry that burden. And I recognize I was fortunate enough to be able to come out and still have support and still be able to… have family or friends that, you know, were supportive or that didn’t, you know, completely, you know, push me out of their lives. But all I can do is try to be honest with myself and with others and, you know, encourage people to do the same.

You know, radical honesty can sometimes be a little hurtful as well. But I think genuine honesty is definitely something that we could all try to do more.

Nathan:

If someone watches your story for the first time, like in this video, what do you hope that they take away from that? And or what do you hope that your story means, you know, to everyone else?

Ashley:

I hope that people don’t judge me on my mistakes. I definitely, you know, know that I am one of the luckiest people in the world that I did not lose my life or injure someone else that horrible night. And I just want people to know that I’m trying – I’m trying to be a good person. I’m trying to help people. I’m trying to make the world a better place however, I can do that. And just have a little grace with me, if I happen to stumble or fall or, you know, make a mistake or possibly say the wrong thing. My intentions are good. And I hope that we can keep that messaging and remember that when we’re talking or experiencing new relationships or encounters with anybody that we hopefully can understand their intent.

Nathan: 

And what about people who might watch this, who are still struggling to come out and if they haven’t come out yet, what would you hope that, you know, what advice would you give them knowing that they might be struggling just as you were at the beginning of your video?

Ashley: 

I’m never going to be that person that says come out wherever you are, because that’s incredibly unrealistic for a lot of people and it can be – it could be a disaster for some folks. I think if some – if you can be honest with yourself, that’s the first thing being honest with yourself about who you are. I think you definitely have to make healthy decisions the best you can. And that will include who you choose to spend your time with, that includes who you even choose to tell about your identity, your orientation, relationships, or whatever that looks like having a support system, if possible is huge. Even if it’s just one person that you can tell and it’s someone that you trust sometimes that can be the one thing that you need to keep you going.

Nathan: 

Anything else that you wanted to share with people, you know, now that it’s 10 years past and you know, or anything about your life or that you just wanted to share?

Ashley: 

I know that it can be hard looking at ourselves. It’s kind of like reading old journals and thinking, “Oh, I can’t believe I was such a little turd,” or something. You know, it’s, you know, being okay and proud with who we were and how we’ve grown, I think, is so important. And I definitely cringe a little bit. I was also like, Oh, she’s so cute. And she has no idea what’s going to happen in her life. But, yeah. I’m just, I’m so happy and I’m so lucky to have the life I have. I’m not rich by any means, you know, but I have a really awesome partner and a super sweet little kiddo and a chubby old dog and we’re happy.

So I just hope people can find their happy and not let… not let the opinions of others stop them from living their lives because life is short and we all have our own life to live. And you gotta live for you.

Nathan: 

All right. I can’t think of a better way to end it than that, but thank you so much, Ashley. It’s so good to see you again after all this time. Hopefully it won’t be another 10 years, but all my best to you and your beautiful family and, and your chunky dog, I hope you’ll have a good one and, and be in touch and stay safe and healthy.

Ashley:

Wonderful. Thank you so much.

Nathan: 

All right. Thanks Ashley.

Okay. And if you have any questions for Ashley, you can just leave them in the comments and you can keep an eye out for more Story Updates in the coming weeks. And if you want, we have hundreds of other Video Stories on the website or our YouTube channel, on Instagram or Facebook. Thanks for watching.