Gay guys in a hot tub.
The night had been fun but it was coming to an end. We had told jokes and shared stories, we were a little loud and reminded ourselves we weren’t in West Hollywood, and we had to behave. Maybe it was because we weren’t so young or so old to not care, or maybe it wasn’t how old we were but what we thought was appropriate in “Straightland”.
And the subject finally came up: relationships. Who was in one, who was recently single, who was still single. And I could only just listen, and ask questions and try to figure out why I still was the one with no long-term relationship stories to tell. Then J started talking and said that even though he had wanted to, he had never had a one-night stand, that older gay men in his life had told him to never hook up with a stranger in a club. And he hadn’t because he wanted more; and I had had one-night stands but sometimes I wanted more too.
And I wonder if he did it the right way. What do I have to show for my years out of the closet other than a couple of STD episodes? Maybe I needed an older and wiser gay man in my life too.
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