We met on a Monday night. The city had shut down due to the blizzard and we found ourselves at the same party. For me, this was an unexpected stop as I had been out at the bars for hours and only stopped in to say hi to a few friends. For him, this was his only destination since he followed the beach party theme and dressed accordingly. As soon as I walked in, I saw him in the middle of the room dancing like a fool in a speedo.
My friend gave me a huge hug and drunkenly whispered, “He’s bi and single. You should totally hit on him.” By now, my inhibitions were lowered and I found myself talking to him without the usual awkwardness that I had around cute boys. We hit it off instantly when we realized we had a lot of mutual interests and knew a spark was there with a kiss in the back hallway.
As we walked through the snow back to his house that night, we stopped numerous times to admire the cityscape of Pittsburgh covered in snow and kiss as the snow began to fall again. After the long trek to his house, he pulled me into his room and told me that he noticed me as soon as I walked through the door and was the type of guy that he normally goes for.
We laid in his bed the next morning for hours and talked about our lives. I opened up to him and told him things that it took me years to tell my closest friends and he told me some of his secrets. As we parted that afternoon, he kissed me goodbye and got my number. Not even ten minutes went by when my phone beeped and he texted me and told me he was sorry that we had to part so quickly and that we should get together soon.
The next few months went by in a blur with numerous ups and downs. Whenever I was with him I felt like we were only two people in the world and that nothing could tear us down. But our insecurities began to get the best of us. It finally reached its ending point when he told me that he really liked me and cared about me but he couldn’t be what he knew I wanted him to be. With that, we decided to be friends.
I guess I should have known how it would end when he told me in the beginning that he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. But I thought that maybe I could change him and make him believe in relationships. I still think about him everyday and wondering if there will ever be a scenario that would put us in the same city, at the same time again when we’re both ready for something more. I know it sounds a little foolish but a boy can dream, can’t he?
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