I’m From San Pedro Garza Garcia, Nuevo Leon, Mexico.

by mauricio v.

Beautiful San Pedro Garza Garcia, small suburb in the city of Monterrey, Mexico. Considered the richest town in all of Latin America, the model city of Mexico, San Pedro Garza Garcia and its wealthy conservative society is a tough place to grow up.

Born and raised here, I come from a conservative family, powerful father and mom involved in society. It’s hell. I have to be the perfect son and only that, and so many times I find myself alone, because there’s nothing more than that. Parents’ business trips come and go, and I’m the only one that ain’t gone. I call my parents and I have to hold, it’s like when I try to get affection I just get more money. Yeah, how cool, but in the end it’s just cruel.

Divorce had to come, and I’m doing okay. I’m 17, by the way. I only live with my mom now. I go to a Catholic prep school, and no we’re not geeks like you’d imagine prep school kids, we’re the Mexican version of, say, Gossip Girl?

I find in my friends everything I don’t find in my parents: love, caring, and of course, their valuable friendship. In the end, we always say, we have to live our lives happily, so we make a little party.
I tell them everything, everything but this:

I always knew I liked guys too. I’ve tried stuff with girls but with guys, no. Over the summer, I met a guy my age online (yeah, impossible to meet him live; pathetic as it sounds, it’s social suicide).

He was a nice guy, from Houston, Texas, right up north of Mexico. He was cute, polite and educated, and he made me smile. Need I say more? I fell right through of course. He gave me the moon, the stars, and my summer started to be about talking to him. We talked and talked, and he was everything I wanted, he supported me, said he’d love to hug me and loved to be with me as well. He forgot about his problems just to help me through mine. Through those months, he gave me the best time of my life. I had the opportunity to go to Houston. I asked him if he wanted to meet me, and he said yes immediately, and it was on.

I went to the city for a week, and not one day did he want to see me. I called him and texted and everything, he would just give me stupid excuses. I got drunk, I got high, all in the name of “I’m mad at that guy.”

Two months had passed since we met, and I was in love. He made me so happy, and I believed I made him so too. I’ve always had everything I wanted, I know it sounds bad, but that’s how it is. I’d love to have my parents to support me and love me, but instead I got a credit card, and after traveling this far, and not having him, I just came back to thinking that when there’s something too good to be true, its because it isn’t.

In my last day there, I got his address, took a car and drove over. I was only there for an hour — he wasn’t what I had wanted, and he wasn’t worth the trip so far. He wasn’t all so true about his life. I was shocked and disappointed, and suddenly I agreed: When there’s something too good to be true, its cause it isn’t. He was bummed. I guess he expected me to forgive him or something, but I didn’t. His pictures were the ones of a British pop star; therefore, I fell in love with a lie. I wished for that face and that body to kiss me and hug me, not knowing it was false.

He was respectful, said he wouldn’t talk to me again, that he wasn’t any threat to me, that he wouldn’t out me or anything. Anyways, he’s 1,000 kilometers from here.

I took a plane back to my city, and I decided to remember him for the fake person who I fell for.

I had forgotten a bit about my life, to be with him, so I came back to my world, the real world. I came back, well, stronger than ever, I guess. But that wasn’t needed since I found myself among my friends, my family, my real happiness.

Happiness doesn’t depend on the love of one person, a material possession, or social standing.

Happiness is just based on knowing the person beside you will always be there for you, just as you will be there for them. I find happiness in my friends, and a girl can come along, or perhaps a guy, I can fight with my parents or have them support me, but I know that as long as I got the people who love me beside me, I ain’t got nothing to fear.

We make a little party and we forget about our problems. There’s nothing better in this life than to live it with the ones you love.

16 Comments:

  1. Years ago, as I was coming out to myself and discovering my sexuality, I spent way too much time on the so-called dating sites. At best, they were simply hookup sites. More realistically, they are places were a large segment of gay society wiles away their time. It’s simply entertainment for them. They have no intention of meeting, or at best for just a hookup. On a couple of occasions, I’ve seen pix sent by these people. The pix appear to be professional. They are copied and used to represent themselves. This is a rather obvious giveaway. The endless emails with no intention of meeting are the norm.

    I don’t use dating or social networking sites. My time is more valuable than that. I devote my energy to my local community and hope to be able to meet men there.

    Live and leanr……

  2. This was your first step outside the closet door and you were burned.

    That is what happened to me.

    I want to tell you not to let this one bad experience stop you from trying again. That is what I did. Finally years later I tried again and the second time around was much more positive. So was the third and fourth.

    Too bad I retreated into my closet for so many years based one bad experience.

    Funny I was needy and confused and desperately trying to find that one person that would solve all my problems and help me feel whole again. I never found that person. Instead I found many people that each helped me a little to help myself.

    If I had it to do all over again I wouldn’t try to go from completely closeted to finding a boyfriend. Instead I would try to make a friend first then another then another. I would focus on helping me heal instead of focusing on finding someone that would heal me.

    I know what I am saying is easier said then done. I was so desperate for solutions, to clear up all the confusion and discomfort I felt but none of that is going to happen overnight – it is a process.

    What I would recommend right now for you is to find a support group for people just coming out. Ironically, the group that helped me the most was a group of straight parents with gay kids in an organization called PFLAG. These parents accepted me just as I am long before I could accept me just as I am.

    My point is to not give up. Keep trying to reach out until you find the support you need. And focus in areas like support groups that are not sexual arenas like dating services.

    I thought I needed a boyfriend but what I really needed was a friend. The boyfriend came later after my friends helped me to sort a lot of things out and I felt lmuch more comfortable in my skin.

    Do’t let the last bad experience keep you from trying again.

    One more word about PFLAG…it is an international organization. They have a website, http://www.pflag.org One great benefit of this group is that through the parents you can learn what it might be like for your parents. That will help you when and if you ever come out to your parents.

    I promise you things will get better then they will get good then they will get great.

    Regards,
    Philip

  3. mauricio,

    no se exactamente que escribirte, pero quiero decirte que en verdad te deseo lo mejor. Tengo muchos amigos gays, una que otra amiga lesbiana y otros mas que no se definen, por lo mismo temas al respecto me llegan mucho, los tomo personales. Ayer y hoy me he estado cuestionando mucho, mas de lo normal, sobre nuestra sociedad, y su continua intolerancia, falta de humanidad, etc. que hacen que niños, jovenes, adutlos…se sientan aislados…me lo cuestione mas este ultimo par de dias debido a los recientes suicidios que se dieron…en verdad se me rompe el corazon. any way… he estado en el internet leyendo articulos, encontrando projectos respecto al tema, viendo videos en youtube, etc…que finalmente me trajeron a este site… y en vdd fue MUY grande mi sorpresa al encontrarme tu post y ver que eres de no solo mi mismo pais, si no mi misma ciudad y municipio…. en vdd creo poder entenderte aunque sea un poco por que conozco a varios amigos que pasaron por situaciones similares a la tuya… en fin…solo queria decirte que entiendo la presion que vivies, asi es san pedro, pero en verdad te admiro mucho por compartir tu historia…

  4. pd- yo tengo 21 y nose bien como funcione el site y si haya manera de que me contactes..pero cuando quieras o necesites hablar con alguien, buscame bye!

  5. mauricio, nada más te quiero decir que te entiendo 100%… literal, san pedro, me estoy imaginando que el mismo colegio (solo hay un all boys- prep catholic school en san pedro y me suena a tréboles)
    misma situación que tú, nada más que yo ya tengo 20 años y estoy en carrera, y sigo en las mismas, y tuve una situación muy parecida a la tuya

    si quieres platicar o algo te dejo mi mail: [email protected]
    cero creepy, pero siento que te entiendo perfectamente

    te confieso de una vez que este no es mi mail bien, pero ya sabes como esta la situacion aqui… still in the closet
    que ironico que de esta misma situacion hablas en lo que escribiste
    saludos

  6. Siento mucho lo que estas pasando. Espero que todo salga tal como tu lo suenas. No te pierdas en los suenos de otros. Pareces ser una persona con mucho corazon. Cuidate siempre y recuerda que tu eres dueno de tu destino.

  7. I’m Living the Same situation that you are (exact to be precise) I know what school you went to, and I know how your feeling with your parents. if theres any thing you want to talk about contact me.

  8. EUGENIO DE LA GARZA..

  9. Estas en mi carrera? O de donde te conosco “udem”

  10. uh wtf? quien eres?!

  11. Vivo en San Pedro no mas que dos meses. Soy brasileño, fotografo, y vine a trabajo.
    (perdon por mi español, todavia no escribo muy bien)

    Yo tambien nasci en una ciudad muy conservadora y chica, en el sur de Brasil, algo cerca de Argentina.
    Afortunadamente mis papas siempre fueron muy comprensivos y cuando decidi estudiar cine en la capital del estado que vivia, Porto Alegre, me apoiaran.

    Despues de graduado, vive en São Paulo, Nueva York y ahora en San Pedro, y te puedo decir que si hay vida afuera de aqui. Y la vida afuera de aqui tiene un sabor mucho mas dulce. Ser gay (o bisexual como los sampetrinos gays les gustan de piensar que son, como se asi fuesen mas ‘machos’, o menos ‘jotos’). Tengo intentado conocer gente y claro, chavos, pero es casi una tarea imposible. Uno porque la gente aqui no camina en la calle y no hay muchos espacios propricios para interactuar con otros jovenes.

    La verdad es que es una ‘ciudad’ muy buena para se vivir, pero todos los dias me dispierto y pienso el cuanto estaré feliz en el dia que mi contracto terminar y que yo pueda me ir.

    Te lo digo: vete! viaja! eres nuevo como puedo ver, encontrate algo para estudiar en otra ciudad. vete a DF. alla está mucho mas chido.

  12. de nada vale ser la ciudad mas rica de America Latina aunque tener sus valores presos en un pasado lejano.

  13. Wow en verdad me llego tu historia yo ahorita mas o menos paso por la misma situación
    y de hecho vengo llegando de casa de un amigo y claro que con todos los comentarios homofóbicos que sacan te incomoda un buen.
    Todo lo que dices es muy cierto, el hecho de no ser aceptado o causar conflictos en la familia, la imgen del hijo perfecto que tiene mis papás y todo mundo que me conoce y que sería así como una “decepción”.
    Estaría padre conocernos algún día (también vivo en mty) para platicar y todo y pues tener como alguien que te apoye
    Un abrazo y pues ojalá si andas en Chicago, que todo esté mucho mejor allá donde la sociedad es más abierta y comprensiva.

  14. Nadie se fue a Chicago.

    G.

  15. Ustedes conocieron a Roberto Garcia Garza de Monterrey?

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