I’m From Sherborne, Dorset, England.

by a.y.m. kong

“We shape our dwellings and afterwards our dwellings shape us.” Winston Churchill.

Yeah, I know it’s a poncy public schoolboy thing to do to quote Winston Churchill, but it does sum things up pretty well.

For an outsider, boarding school is daunting to say the least. I learnt to hang in there until people knew that the gay was not going away. I persevered and fit in.

And then I fell in love with you. We were friends. You didn’t believe it and you probably still don’t–but you are perfect in my eyes. You taught me grace, beauty, kindness and generosity.

And I told you. And you left. Not abruptly but withdrawing slowly, like it would hurt less. You taught me cruelty, disappointment, regret and my own stupidity.

We lost touch, as it probably should have been. But I would like to thank you. In spite of the pain that I wrought upon myself, the hope for happiness you gave me kept me going.

5 Comments:

  1. I went to boarding school too. “I Still Remember” – Bloc Party Give that a listen.

  2. I went to a boarding school too, but I never came out there.

    And I also fell in love (well, lust). But I never admitted it to anyone, least of all him.

    I’ve often wondered what would have been if I had done so. Three years later, on the last day of school he semi-publicly outed himself, and I’m not sure if it was the shock but I never responded.

    He was the sports star and in the popular crowd. Me, I was the overweight clumsy bespectackled geek swot. It never would have worked. Or so I continue to persuade myself because I just couldn’t live with the knowledge that I’d wasted a golden opportunity. I’ve not seen him since and I never will have the chance (he was killed in a car accident a few years ago).

  3. I think it takes amazing courage to tell anyone how you feel, and I think it’s important to do so, even if the answer is possibly going to be ‘no.’ Sometimes I feel we live in a world that is slowly making way to acceptance of ugly (hateful) things on a daily basis, If you can be that one person who shows love instead of hate, bravery instead of fear, it’s a beautiful thing.

  4. I went to boarding school and came out to my close friends. There were tears and loads of hugs, it ended being alright. Thank God they never announced it to the school.

    Sorry about what happened. I really am.

  5. I went to boarding school and came out to my close friends. There were tears and loads of hugs, it ended being alright. Thank God they never announced it to the school.

    Sorry about what happened. I really am.

Comments are closed