I’m From Tampico, Tamps, Mexico.

by rob c.

I’m the older brother of a small family. I just recently came out to my parents, and it was by far the hardest thing I’ve done. In my 20 years of life I’ve only seen my dad cry twice: for 5 minutes when his mother died, and the night I told him I was gay, he must had been crying all night long because the next day at breakfast he had his eyes all swollen up and so did my mom. It crushed me seeing them like that.

They told me they love me, I’m their son, and they won’t stop loving me, but I told them it isn’t enough. It’s not enough for me that they love me as their son, I needed them to see me as a human being, and understand me as a gay guy. I’m a guy, I love being a guy and I just happen to love guys too, and that DOES NOT make me any less of a guy than any straight guy. I needed them to understand that, and that kind of calmed things down a bit.

Now I’m in therapy, but it’s great because it’s not meant to change me but to help me be happy as I am. My parents, though, aren’t as okay as I would like them to be about the subject. We don’t talk about it, and they stay out of my personal life. But it’s only been about 2 months that I told them so I expect that in the future they come to peace with it.

6 Comments:

  1. I feel the same exact way right now! I just came out on the 3rd and I confess things here can sometimes get awkward. It seems at the moment that my Mother is taking it the hardest. She really doesn’t want to know my opinions, nor does she want to tell anyone. I mean I don’t expect her to wear a PFLAG shirt carrying a sign that states “I love my GAY SON!” or anything. It’s just frustrating. I know giving her time is the answer, but it’s tough.

    I just can’t wait for college to start up again.

  2. The best piece of advice I ever heard (thanks Dan Savage) was to tell your parents they have one year. They have one year to ask any questions they want and you will answer them. One year to celebrate holidays with you not bringing anybody home. One year to adjust. But at the end of the year, either it is full acceptance or nothing. My mom was great but seeing me with a guy was something she wasn’t prepared for. I gave her the one year speech. At the end of the year, I told her that anytime my brothers invited their girlfriends, I would invite my boyfriend. And anything they were allowed to do I would be allowed to do. And that is how you do it and do it right.

  3. PS I told my mother I expect her to walk with me in the gay pride parade one day, and she said next year 2011 she just may be ready.

  4. I’m wouldn’t say life at home is that intense. I just think they’re (mostly my Mother) still just in a state of shock. She stated that I could bring a man home one day, but she wouldn’t be comfortable with my kissing him or anything. I wish she didn’t think kissing another man was so revolting.

    I had to give myself 19 years to accept and love who I am (I’m 20 now.) I feel deserves some time herself.

  5. If there is a PFLAG chapter in your area then I would check it out. PFLAG is primarly a support group for straight parents with gay kids but gay people are always welcome. I’m recommending PFLAG because I know if often helps gay kids understand their parents better to talk to other parents. At PFLAG meetings parents will share the issues they had with their kids being gay and what helped and didn’t help. You can also PFLAG parents that you might not be able or willing to ask your own parents. Also, I think it will help you to see parents at different stages of acceptance (there are four common stages) and to hear parents talk about how they have progressed. Unfortunately, at a time when many gay kids need support and acceptance, the roles are reversed. The gay child becomes the parent and often has to help the parents deal with their issues. Just remember what it was like when you were first dealing with your sexuality. Also, remember how it took you time to progress and that sometimes you took a step backward before moving forward. What I’m trying to say is be patient. To find the nearest chapter of PFLAG go to their national website http://www.pflag.org. Good Luck!

  6. I think slapping a time limit on total acceptance is counter-productive. As long as progress is being made, why cut off your nose to spite your face? I don’t know how old your parents are but overcoming a lifetime of conditioning isn’t like changing your shampoo. It takes work, effort, grieving…a lot of effort. I think Andrew had a more reasonable attitude.

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