Man’s Wife Encourages Him To Have Sexual Experience With Another Man.

I was born in London, England in 1951, and I’ve lived in Germany and Holland. I moved to Italy, Tuscany in 1976. I suppose by the age of 12, that was a rather important moment in my life when I was caught kissing a boy in a rather conservative private boys school in London. And the very next day as an example to the school and as punishment to me, I was beaten rather brutally with a cane in front of the whole school. And it rather put me off the idea of kissing a boy again. At 18 I went to study the German language in Germany and met this fascinating Italian girl who was also studying German. And we fell in love and we married. And it was just great for several years. I have two children, have two wonderful children who are now in their 40s, gosh. After moving to Holland and living in Germany, my wife couldn’t stand northern European weather any longer. We moved to Italy. I think probably about a couple years after moving to Italy, she came to me one day and she said, “Graham, I think you think you’re gay, and I think you should get it out of your system however it goes because it could be affecting our relationship.” And I was in total shock and said, “How do you mean?” She said, “Just get on a plane and go to London and sort it out and don’t come back until you’ve sorted it out. This is the best thing you can do.” I said, “Okay.” So come Friday morning I was on a plane to London and come Friday evening I was in bed with Gary, from Motherwell just outside Glasgow in Scotland. This wonderful strawberry blonde thing. And we have this incredible night, which showed me that in fact I was gay. And whether this would bring disgrace, what have you, this was totally unimportant now. It wasn’t illegal and obviously it made me very confused about where my life would be going with my wife, my two young children, pre-teenagers living in Italy. The very next day at lunch time, and this is the part my friend Doug always likes, my mother was complaining about how my sisters lives were so awful with the various husbands and how things were just not working out, and thank goodness you and Donatta – that’s my wife – are having such a wonderful life. “You haven’t any problems. And at least one out of the three, it’s okay. But poor Cheryl, poor Hillary, it’s just not working out.” And I said, “It’s not like all plain sailing.” She said, “What possibly could be wrong?” And I said “I was in bed with a Scotsman last night!” At which my mother said, “A Scotsman??” And my father said, “I think I’ll put the kettle on. It’s time for a cup of tea.” He disappeared into the kitchen to put the kettle on. And my mother said, “What about the property? It’s all Donatta’s name.” And the seed was sown. And I thought, “What a horrible thing to say.” But the seed was sown. Going back to Italy, I told Donatta my experiences with Gary. And more than devastated I think it just confirmed what she always suspected. And she in fact told me that when we met in Germany and I was traveling with an American man and she thought we were a couple and so it surprised her in fact that we had a relationship together. She thought I was in fact gay. We must exchanged a billion words a minute. We saw our beautiful children and we saw how well they were turning out and what and delightful young things they were and I would have been devastated to have left them. I mentioned, to my mother, and I didn’t do it on purpose but it came out–my coming out party with my parents and how it went down with the cup of tea and my mother talking about the property. A few weeks later she said we had to go to our accountant to sign something. We arrived at our accountant and the notary was there as well. And the notary looked at my wife and said, “Are you sure you wish to do this? Do you not wish to make it 51 percent, 49 percent?” And my wife said, “Everything my husband and I have done in the last few years we’ve done together and I wish it to be 50/50.” And I realized that she signed over 50 percent of everything that we’ve made together in my name. Having signed goodness knows how many documents and Donatta turned around and she said, “Now, you can tell your mother to fuck off.” I’ve been with my wife of 47 years and we have a very caring and albeit a platonic relationship. She is my very dearest friends, my soul mate, my life partner. And she said to me not only the other day, she said just before I was getting on a plane to come here to visit Douglas, “Have a safe trip. I’m planning on growing old with you.” That’s my story.

Graham

3 Comments:

  1. You must have been born under a most fortunate star. I do hope you realize how lucky you are. Such an understanding wife is an extraordinary treasure. And to have found a man whom you also love. Would that I had been so lucky. Two children, like yours in their forties, and a great deal of heartache later 30 years of marriage ended in Divorce.

  2. Pingback: His Loving Wife Encouraged Him to Have a Sexual Experience with a Man -

  3. Thank you for this very moving story. I consider myself a straight ally. But it’s not easy. My wife of 35 came out to me and to herself two-and-a-half years ago now as a lesbian, but now with no libido at all, and now desire for a lesbian relationship. So we’ve gone from a low-sex relationship to a no-sex one. How can she possibly desire me, I’m a man? But it’s been a major trauma, for me. I’m still in therapy and on antidepressants. And we want to grow old(er) together. But I feel that I’ve been amputated of an important part of me. I only hope that as lesbians and gays become more accepted and more self-accepting, there’ll be fewer traumas and tragedies like ours. We share so much; we’ve shared our lives. But there’s never been that deeper, sexual connection, there never can be. So we’ll both miss out on this important part of life.

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