My name is Dr. Marlon Johnson. I am from Sumter, South Carolina. 

When I was finishing up the first year of my time in grad school, I was learning to become a professional counselor. And I realized after this first year that I’d never been in counseling. So I went to the student counseling center, signed up, got a therapist, and we started sitting down and talking about different life issues, and I let it slip that, you know, I am a queer person. I’m someone in the LGBT spectrum. 

And so she started to explore with me, “What does that mean for you? What about your family?” 

When I told her that I really wasn’t out to them, she said, “Well, what would it be like for you to come out to your family?” 

And I said, “I’m not completely certain about how my mom would respond or react, but it may not be the easiest for her. My father, however, I think he would be open. “You’re my son, and I love you, and there’s really nothing you can do that would separate us from you.” 

The session ended, and I’m kind of just thinking about this conversation. I get in my car, and at the time, I was getting engaged with this church community that was more progressive, more open about wanting different groups of people. I’m on my way to the service, and I get a phone call from my mom. 

A couple of weeks prior, I had been the best man of one of my friends in his wedding. So my mom calls, and she is really flustered, and she’s just asking, “What’s going on? I keep getting these notes of people seeing this picture that’s on Facebook, and you’re in this picture, and you’re sitting in this guy’s lap, and it looks like y’all are really intimate with each other. Like, do you… Is there something you need to tell me?” 

The groom was getting married to a woman. They were in a heterosexual marriage. It was just a really playful way that we kind of engaged with each other. And I try to explain all this to my mother, and she just says, “You… I just want you to be careful about the way people perceive you and the way that, you know, these small pictures might get out of hand and… and people will get the wrong idea.” 

So I take that in and I’m even more rattled in this moment. Because I know that I just talked to my therapist about what could happen. And I just talked to my mother and gave her comfort when I could’ve given her a reality.

So I take a deep breath. I swallow all of the things that I’m feeling, and I walk in to this church service, and the music’s already going. I’m already a little bit late ’cause I’ve been on the phone. And I just hear this music playing, and this sweet song just starts playing and they’re just singing the words over and over again, “You see me. You know me. You love me through and through.” 

Something in me just cracks, and I fall apart. I think to myself, “God is calling me into something in this moment,” and I don’t know what to do, but I think I need to call my mom back. So I just kind of walk back out. And I’m seeing other people that I don’t know just kind of walking in. They’re looking at me. They’re wondering if they should check on me.

I think to myself, "God is calling me into something in this moment."

So I call my parents. And they’re sitting down, they’re letting me know they’re having dinner. I just have this shaky breath. And I just say, “I got to talk to you all about something. I can’t just keep denying what’s going on. And I know you saw this picture and this picture is not about someone that I’m in love with, but I do have an affection for men. You know, I don’t want you to think anything different of me. I still want you to love me.” And I’m rambling and telling the story and I’m crying and I’m bawling. 

And my mom just says, “I don’t know what you’re telling me. I don’t know what’s going on, but this… I don’t know how to accept what’s going on. Just talk to your father.” And I hear her walking away. 

And he just says, “Son, I… I know that this is not something that we really expect, but I mean, you are our son and I’m your father and I love you. And there’s nothing that you can really say to me that would make me love you any less.” 

When this conversation ended, I felt an immediate relief. It was really clear to me that if I could have this conversation with them, then I could have this conversation with myself more frequently. And I think if anything, that this was the moment that I recognized that perhaps my role right now in life, in my community was to continue to tell other people that there is a place for everyone. You belong in every bit of your embodiment and your blackness and your queerness. You’re here for a reason and that you’re loved and you’re incredibly lovable no matter what.

It took my mom and I about a week before we started talking again but gosh, wow, 12 years later, we talk every day. We are always texting. I FaceTime my mom regularly to help her with computer things. And my dad is always somewhere in the background on speakerphone telling me about something that he’s gotten from the thrift store. They’re always waiting for when I’m going to bring someone home or when they’re going to get their next grandchild. And I’m telling them it’s a lot more complicated than me just… than certain ways of bringing grandchildren into the family. But it’s so amicable.