I’m From Knoxville, TN.

by Ed Smith

Satellite overhead image of Tennessee from Google Earth 2022

I was at my friend’s apartment and we were all drinking and waiting for people so we could go to a party. We were finally on our way to the party and everything seemed normal. Unfortunately when we first arrive at the party I see a guy that I have slept with. I frantically go through my phone trying to find his number. I finally find it and send him a text that said, “Please do not tell anyone about me bc im not out.” I thought I was in the clear and that my secret would be safe until I was ready to come out. I then confronted him because he never answered my text and said, “Hey, please don’t tell anyone we were together.” He told me that he already told someone.

I was hoping that he told someone that I didn’t know, so I asked him who. He said the girl with the lip ring. My world begins to fall apart at this very moment because the girl with the lip ring is one of my good friends, Jamie. I thought, though, that sometimes Jamie gets too drunk to remember anything so I found her and asked how drunk she was. She said she’s not that drunk. Now I realize that I have to talk to her.

We walked outside and then I just said it: “I’m bisexual.” I immediately started crying unlike I ever have before. She accepted me and comforted me. I asked her to please not tell anyone because I am not ready to come out, she agreed and we went back into the party. I take out my phone so I can vent my anger to a guy I used to date. I saw a text that asked how the party was, so I responded saying it sucked and there was a gay kid there that outed me to one of my friends. Then once another friend came to the party I realized that I texted the wrong person and told a huge gossiper that I was gay. After that all of my friends knew. I literally did not want to live. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I hoped that I would just fall asleep and never wake up. The next morning a car almost hit me as I crossed the street and I wish it had just so I could be put out of my misery.

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