Non-Binary Person Thrives After Finding Supportive Community. “I Feel Very Optimistic.”

by Vic

Hi, I’m Vic. I’m from Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. 


When I was younger, I felt like I knew I was different and my body was not mine. And the way I remember that is by my mother telling me stories about how I acted when I was younger when I was a toddler. She would tell me that when she would put dresses on me, I would just rip them off of me and just completely just not enjoy it. 


Then when I was five, we moved to New York City and my father was a superintendent, so we would move a lot. I experienced a lot of confusion with who I was. I didn’t know the words to describe what I was feeling. I knew that I liked girls, but I didn’t know about gender.

When my father took a job in Jackson Heights, I was like, I already 14 or 15. One random day on a Sunday, I was just hanging out at home and I decided to go get something from the bodega. And as I’m walking, I see a crowd of people. So I go into the bodega and I ask, “Oh, what’s going on?” 

And the guy goes like, “Oh, it’s a pride parade.” And I pretended I didn’t care, even though I was very happy inside. So I go back home, like speed home because my father was walking around and I didn’t want him to see me. 

And I found Queens Pride House, which was on two blocks away from my house. And I went up and I started talking to people. They told me about the youth group that was there. I was like 19. So I go and I meet everybody. I met this person in Queens Pride House. So we exchanged numbers and we hung out some more. 

We became close friends. They confided in me that they don’t feel comfortable in their gender. And that’s when I started to also be like, I also don’t feel comfortable in my gender. And started to explore that a little bit further. I bought myself a binder. They bought themselves a binder, and we connected through the fact that we are not of this gender.

We connected through the fact that we are not of this gender.

I started Googling, YouTubing, and I found that there are other people who also feel this way and that I’m not alone. Even though I had a lot of queer, lesbian and gay friends, I didn’t really have a lot of non-binary friends to support me. Only them. They would support me. They would affirm me, they would take care of me. But sadly, they passed away. And then I had nobody. It was a really dark time. I basically felt numb.

So four years passed of me just doing basically nothing and just being sad and depressed. While those four years passed, I was dating and I was talking to people, but nothing really solid. So I went on a dating site and I met my partner, who I’m with now. Within the two years of us dating, they confided in me that they were non-binary. I was like, Oh yeah, no, I think I’m non-binary too. And they told me that I should do something about it, that they’ll be happy to go through this journey with me.

And through my partner’s support, I was able to get hormones and top surgery. And the funny thing is that through my partner’s support, I was also able to tell my mother that I was going to get top surgery, and she actually went with me to the surgery and stood with my partner in the waiting room as I was getting surgery. 

I feel very good. I feel very optimistic. I don’t feel as depressed as I did anymore. I recommend for people who are questioning their sexuality or their gender to really find support. If you feel safe and supported, you should definitely do your research. Find ways to feel more comfortable in your body. Find resources, find more support. Just find community.

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