I knew I was bi when I finally admitted to myself that the reason I had pictures of Kate Pierson from the B52’s on my wall wasn’t because I liked her clothes.
I did, and still do love her clothes. But through my confusing pre-teen and teen years, I couldn’t explain why I cut pictures of cute girls out of magazines with the same furor as I did cute boys.
Growing up in a town of only a few hundred people, with the scandals of generations past hanging over my head, I rationalized that I cut out the pictures of girls because I wanted to look like them, or I admired them, or I liked their clothes, and being an aspiring fashion designer, I needed to hang onto them as reference materials.
Sure I had pictures of guys up too. Christian Slater, the Preferred Stock guy, cute late ‘80s skate and surf guys. This was before the Internet, so I had no way of finding out that bisexuality existed, or that it was normal. I clearly had the same feelings for girls as I did for guys. I wondered if I was a freak, or broken in some way.
Going to college opened my eyes. What a relief to meet others like me. To have my first boyfriend and my first girlfriend. What a relief to not have to rationalize anymore. I’m not broken or a freak. And if you’re reading this, and you can relate, don’t worry, you aren’t either.