I’m Aria Renee Curameng and I’m from Fort Washington, Maryland. 

Back in, I want to say 2021, I went out with a friend of mine and we constantly went to piano bars. One of them happened to be Monster Bar. I run upstairs to hit the piano bar because, why not? I’m singing, and eventually, my drag mother, who I didn’t really know well at the time, Jada, she comes upstairs and she goes, “You want a job?”

I ran over and said, “I sing, I dance, I sew, and I perform.”  So, she gave me a trial. I come in on a Sunday. for rehearsal, and I’m meeting all these people who I’ve seen in the show before. And I’m performing in all these production shows with her, it’s great. But I do notice that there is something different about me. At this time, I identify as a cis hetero woman. I was also working a day job in a coffee shop. I’m working with a lot of people who are nonbinary, they’re trans, and now I’m seeing community. And I’m thinking, Oh, maybe this is it. Maybe this is the feeling. 

2022 hits with Pride. We do our show in Curtains Up.  After we bow and we go backstage, I said, “Jada, you’re my drag mother and I love you. I really would like to talk to you about something.”

She goes, “Alright, what do you want to talk about?” 

And I finally come out to her saying, “I’m not sure 100 percent where I’m at right now, but I know that I don’t I think ‘she’ identifies me completely. So if it’s okay I’d like to use ‘they/she.’ And I did read about being demi nonbinary and maybe that’s what this is for me. But I’d really like to be known as that right now.”  

And she goes, “I knew there was something brewing.” And here I am crying on the couch and we’re hugging and she’s like, “You’re good. You’re good.” 

Now I have to go into work, just like another couple hours later. I go into my coffee shop job and I said, “Hey, I’d  really appreciate it if you all respected that I use she/they pronouns.” The look on people’s faces… it’s the look of a distant far away look of confusion. I let it go for a bit. 

A couple of weeks pass. And then finally somebody asks me, “I just wanted to ask you about your pronouns.” You said you want to use she/they.” 

They go, “Why?” 

“Well, I don’t know how to explain it right now, but it just feels right.” 

And all they tell me is, “Well, you’ve never been with a woman, which they didn’t know.”

More people came with the same questions and the same responses.  And then finally somebody went, “I think you should talk to this person,” another co-worker of mine who’s actually my supervisor. “They did hear about your pronouns, and they just wanted to know because they also use she/they pronouns.”

Now, time has passed. The supervisor that they mentioned, and me at the time, we happen to take the same train, so we were going home on the same train. And we’re catching up. 

Then finally, they went, “I also wanted to bring up your pronouns.” 

And I said, “Um, okay, well, what do you want to know?” 

And they say, “Uh, well, you identify as she/they.”

And I said, “Actually, it’s they/she now.” The next question is the same. 

“Um, but… why?” And I answered the same way. 

They just said along the lines of “I just want to be sure.”

I said to them that I think me celebrating what I’m discovering… I’m trying to figure out who I am and maybe it sucks that it’s happening consistently changing over time  But it’s still my identity. 

About two months now passes. Nothing’s changed.  It feels more uncomfortable. And honestly, I even started just going back in the closet. I didn’t start correcting people about my pronouns. 

Around that second month, an audition comes up and that actually became my big break. I went Off Broadway, and a lot of people were surprised that I said I’m actually going to quit.

I even started just going back in the closet. I didn't start correcting people about my pronouns.

And it’s 2023, and it’s just rehearsals in January. One day we… we’re on break, and we’re having lunch. There’s about four of us in the ensemble, so we’re all connecting, and we’re learning about each other. 

This person goes, “You know, it’s really nice to be  in a cast, and especially an ensemble, where everybody is queer, LGBTQIA.” And that hit me like a lightning bolt. Because it was finally somebody  seeing me going, “Not only are you your talent, not only are you your skill, but you’re  the way that you identify. And the way that you love is also as welcoming in this room.” 

 Hearing that has been so, honestly, so validating. You don’t have to understand why somebody changes their gender or finally identifies. Because I changed mine so many times, and now I identify as they/them, non binary, queer, pansexual. There are people in my circle who  can still look at me and go,  “Yeah. Love who you want.  Be who you are. I still love you.”