Dear peers, teachers, extended friends and some family members:
I am gay.
Not sure what will you say about it, but I hope you can spend some time with me here. Being closeted for the last 8 years has been a horrible experience. Of course, if you poked through my cover already, you would have known that in my last year of high school. My mental state could no longer withstand this increasingly bone-crushing stress which came from all directions. I was also suffering from social anxiety. Social workers said it was internal homophobia, and I lost the my motivation for work. In the most desperate days, I could spend a month on my bed wishing that someone could come in and take away my pathetic life. Sadly, I will never have the chance to be out in high school life.
Why now? It is a promise. A promise I made to myself that I’ll be out by my 19th birthday. Of course, it’s impossible to just rush out and scream “I am gay!” so I started with some small progresses. I would use neutral wordings (Girlfriend vs. Partner). But the whole idea really kicked in on a night where a reunion took place. A friend was outed by a question in Truth or Dare (sounds lame, right?). Nonetheless, everyone was accepting. That gave me the courage which I never had and I was then outed later that night. Finally, I outed myself on Facebook the next night.
I realized that time had passed and I should move on. Rather than trying to compensate what I could have done, I’m now giving myself a chance, as well as others, to connect with who I truly am.