Trans Woman Reflects On Her Journey: “It Was Real For Me And I Was Okay With It.”

1972: Trans Actress Makes Her Debut In Empowering Scene In John Waters Film.

I first met John Waters peripherally in the basement of a church at the premiere of one of his earlier films, which was called Multiple Maniacs. And it was in a church – yes, it was in a church basement in Baltimore.

I was going to see a movie and everyone else in the room knew him, because he was just some person who was making a movie and I go, “Cool. A creepy, dirty home movie. What could be better?” Then it turned out to be amazing in a very interesting way. I had friends that knew him, but I didn’t know him yet and they introduced me to him, and that’s how I met him.

He didn’t single me out as someone new, but there were a lot of heavy hitters in that room, with Divine and Cookie Mueller and Mink Stole. I mean, they’re a tough crowd. Pat Moran, who has always intimidated the hell out of me, and at the same time, she’s been a role model of mine forever. She’s John’s casting director. She’s this little, tiny red-headed spitfire with so much energy and I just so remember thinking, “Man, I want to be like that.” And I didn’t want to be her, but there was just so much about her that was embodying things that I wasn’t seeing quite as much back then.”

John came to me and said, “I have an idea,” and he told me about the scene. I don’t know whether you’re familiar with it or not, but in telling me about the scene and that there was a flasher and that I would ultimately be the flasher. It occurred to me that, at a time when, because we’re going back far enough that, even the word transgender, I’m not even sure if it existed. And even though as a form of armor, my looking good and acceptable helped, one could still be the brunt of some jokes.

What occurred to me with what John was doing was that instead of being the joke, I got to make the joke. I got to win, and that appealed to me. When people see the film, they’re a little bit more shocked by what they’re seeing, but I think that if someone stops and looks at the content rather than the form; if they look at the context, they understand that in that particular scene, I’m the strong one.

“You’re Not A Suitable Candidate.” Trans Woman Seeking Surgery Faces Resistance From Doctors.

I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and then I was raised in Philadelphia, and then I went to Baltimore to go to Johns Hopkins for their gender program.

I don’t know if it was the first place in the country to be doing gender reassignment, but I heard about it and figured, ”Well, cool. I’m already good so I may as well just take care of that.” And I went to Hopkins. I just marched through those big doors at Hopkins in a little blue jean mini skirt and tank top and my flip flops and my hair up in pigtails and a big old pair of sunglasses and said, “Hi! I’m here. I’m here for your … this is where, like, you do that, right?”

They said, “What?”

I said, “Well, you know, like fix up somebody’s, like, genitalia.” I figured I’d use a proper word.

They said, “Oh, well it’s actually this whole big process,” which really kind of surprised me, because I had no clue.

I said, “Well, you know, I’m not sure what you’re all about, but I’m not here for a shrink. I just want a plumber. Can you help me?” And they said no.

“No, no, no dear. You are not what we may consider to be a suitable candidate, because you are most likely unstable and you are not part of mainstream society. Anyone who would choose to be a woman …”

At which point of course I said, “I didn’t choose to be a woman. It just turned out that way. It’s just who I am and I’m already a girl. I came here for you to help me.”

Because it was Baltimore, and it was then, we all lived in the thrift stores. And there I was one afternoon in the thrift store of Johns Hopkins which was interestingly enough called the Carry-On Thrift Shop.

I found myself tugging on something with this guy. I looked up and it was one of the doctors. He said, “Hey, it’s you.”

I said, “Yeah. It is me, and I’m coming back. I don’t know how long this audition thing you have, it might be.” I was getting a little defensive.

He said, “Ooh, bup, bup, bup … Slow down. Why don’t you slow down just a little bit? I didn’t have the opportunity at the time, but I need to tell you. I’m on your side.”

I said, “Oh, really?”

He said, “Yeah, I am.”

I said, “Oh, well then you get that I’m already female and I just need to be in a position where I can take care of an inconvenient technicality.”

He said, “I get it. I get it. They don’t, but come back. Maybe don’t be quite as sassy and let me see what I can do.”

I went back and they quote/unquote let me in again. They were still pretty much as skeptical and that was when he stepped in. That was when he just looked across the table and said, “Hey, guys. Could you take a different look at this? You’re judging someone on their lifestyle rather than their gender.”

Being judgmental about a person’s lifestyle just seemed like really in left field to me. It was like, ”What do you care if I wear blue jeans or J. Crew? What’s it to you? It doesn’t make me any more or less female.” It took about a year and a half, because they still made me go through this whole tedious, tedious audition, where I met a lot of people who didn’t have a clue.

One of the doctors, I remember said, “Well, she’s claiming she’s already female.” At which point I said, “But I am,” and they said, “But you’re not,” and I said, “But I am,” and they said, “But you’re not.” That went back and forth until we all got bored.

Then Doc John said, “How about you look at the fact that she’s exactly what we might be hoping for? She’s already comfortable in the world and she came in here and said, ‘Help me.’” Not that I made it sound like that [gesturing as if helpless], but I did have to go and ask, so I did.

I think as I look back on it, they didn’t want a ton of negative press or sensationalistic press. It wasn’t a secret, but they kept a low profile. That was okay by me because I got what I wanted.