Hi, I’m Kai Ambakad from Fullerton, California.
I was 19 and I was going to do errands and just have a good day with my mom. So we went out on a Sunday and we were shopping for wedding clothes, and then after that we went to go eat, and then from there we were just enjoying each other’s company, like mother and son really should.
And eventually when we got back home, I felt this unexplainable urge to be able to talk to my mom about anything, and so I brought up the topic of my relationship and I told her that I had something to tell her. She had a slight smirk on her face, and I think she was thinking that I was going to tell her that I had a girlfriend.
And eventually she asked me what the secret was and I said, “Well, it’s not a secret, but I’m gay.” And everything changed in that moment. From her not wanting to accept me, the smile turning into much less of a smile and more into, “I’m about to cry,” type of facial expression, and calling me nasty names and saying that I need to see a medical professional she knows in India. And the list goes on from there, and just took the hits as they were coming. And then after that, I left the car and I ran running into my room and cried for about a week.
So in the following week, after all of that had happened, I went ahead and started reflecting on what happened. And I started thinking, “Maybe she’s saying all this because she really doesn’t know what’s happening.” I decided that maybe I just need to give her some education and some time to really process what’s going on, because this is a huge deal.
Once I decided that, the following week she started throwing even lower balls by saying that she wouldn’t be at my wedding, and that I wouldn’t have a family. So this continued on for seven months.
And one day my mom was actually getting ready for a party. I was in the room talking to her, having a conversation, and eventually the conversation led to her throwing a low jab and she said that I would never have children. And when I said I would have children, she said, “You wouldn’t have children of your own.”
When I said I would have children, she said, "You wouldn't have children of your own."
I decided that that was the last straw, because I didn’t need to hear that anymore. And I told her if she wanted to be a part of my life, if she wanted to be at my wedding or be a part of my future children’s lives, then she was going to treat me with respect and stop throwing the low jabs.
The way that she reacted was more like, “Oh shit. Okay, let me take a step back because I think now I’m actually hitting cords here.” And so she had to try and recover, and then from there is when she decided that she needed to actually start treating me like a person and a human being with feelings.
And then eventually she just started saying she just didn’t know how to take this. She started telling me more about how she was afraid, and she didn’t want me to end up not having anybody in my life, and people pushing me away.
I started telling her, “Don’t worry about me. I am an adult. I’m not a baby anymore.” I was 19 at that point. So I’m like, “You have to remember that I can take this kind of stuff now. People will say stuff to me and if I can’t handle that, that’s going to be my problem to deal with.”
So since that conversation we’ve gone through so much, and we’ve learned a lot of each other. Not just my mom learning from me, me learning from my mom too. And she’s made such huge strides, like she’s started learning more about what the rainbow flag represents, and she’s now knows what the Pride Festival is, and she’s now actively asking me about my romantic life and if there’s any new boys in my life.
We got to this point in life because I needed to be able to stand up against what was being thrown at me. Never give up, be brave, put a strong face on. Because at the end of the day, you are your own advocate, and sometimes people aren’t going to take it and that’s okay, but you need to know when they’re passing a fine line of boundaries and not respecting you as a human being.